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The American Hogwarts Houses

Look at your school of witchcraft and wizardry. Now look at mine. Now yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, your school is not mine, but if you all got off your broomsticks and started using a real sorcerer’s deodorant, it could smell like mine. Abracadabra! I’m a horse.

Good. Night. I’m done.



It is AMERICAN houses, Ebil. Why would one be hufflepuff? Maybe you are a fox. Cunning, smart, LOYAL. Foxes stay with one mate all their life, in loff. If that ain’t loyalty, i don’t know what is.

The bear, bird, and wolf ain’t got that. Be a fox. Be strong. Be cunning. Be loyal. Be you and never let anyone crush you because while people only see cute and sneaky. You know who you are, and will not break.


Crest Animal- Timber Wolf

Colors- Blue and Silver.

Element- Water

Season- Winter

Qualities- Selflessness, Responsibility, Teamwork

Those of the Wolfthorn house value Teamwork and Selflessness over any of the other houses. Like the wolf members of this house learn to attack problems as a singular unit towards a common goal. Each member works to understand each other equally and play to each other’s strengths. In order to do so each house member must remember to serve each other and not themselves, selflessness in teamwork to keep others at the forefront of their mind is the basic key element to any collective strategy. 

House Ghost- Patient Pamuy. 

The house ghost of Wolfthorn is a Hopi woman in her late teens, once the highly revered medicine woman of her village. When the soldiers from the east came in being both Native American and a pracitioner of ‘black magic’ as the soldier, she was the first to die in her village. After a series of gruesome acts commited on her. Now she roams the halls, patiently assisting the members of her house in herbology as it was always a love of her people to be in touch with nature to heal those around her. 


Crest Animal- Ferruginous Hawk

Colors- Gold and Black

Element- Air

Season- Spring

Qualities- Honesty, Intelligence, Patience

Like the hawk members of this house are patient and intelligent, always waiting for an opportunity to prove their intelligence with their brilliant plans and tactics. Like the hawk this house is sharp and quick with their wit. However, you will never have to know what these house members are thinking as they will let you know, they believe that honesty and intelligence go hand in hand since evidence and truth go hand in hand. The members of this house are very black and white and treat justice with openness. Lying and false information will get you on this house’s bad side quickly.

House Ghost- Confident Cruz

Once a proud Mestizo man in the Mexican Army, he now spends his days confidently recalling the events leading up to his death. Never failing to include each and every individual detail up until the moment of his death. He is proud that he fought for Mexico and for the land of his ancestors against white invaders. When talked to he will talk about Mexico as his proud homeland with nothing but glory and love for his home. Anytime a student has their history incorrect or twisted with the glorification of ‘settlers’ he will quickly and sternly correct them on who the invaders were, and who’s land belonged to who. He will not tolerate lies and false information of the accounts of his people and the basis for the fighting of his territory. However if asked about his military days he will more than likely start rattling off from childhood of admiring his strong father to his days as a soldier. He also enjoys teaching those who are interested in his culture and tries to get as many students interested in Dia de les Muertos. 


Crest Animal- Red Fox

Colors- Red and White

Element- Fire

Season- Autumn

Qualities- Loyalty, Cunning, Resourcefulness

The cunning trickster, is what most think of when they hear of the fox. The trickster who deceives men and dogs in order to live. However, what you might not think of is loyalty a fox has one mate for their entire life and remains loyal every season even though they are apart. Like the fox members of this house pride themselves on the loyalty to their friends and family. Willing to go to any and all lengths to protect their loved ones and ensure their happiness. Members of this house are also cunning and resourceful, they will find as many ways as they can to keep their head above the water with their loved ones. Because, no one can look after their significants quite like they can. A Foxcrest will do all that they can to succeed in the name of their loved ones, and in their honor.

House Ghost- One-Eyed Jacqueline Thibodeaux.

Once a proud voodoo queen in Louisiana this woman lived with pride and loyalty to her home of Zimbabwe. After being forcibly removed from her lands, brought to Haiti, and then to Mississippi as a slave. She used not only her skill in voodoo magick to escape, but her loyalty with the other slaves on her plantation. To escape the cruelty of the plantation, her and many other slaves escaped on the underground railroad. Using both her magic and cunning she was able to escape with her friends and what remained of her family from the horrors of plantation life to Louisiana where she made a name for herself with her voodoo. Becoming a highly regarded voodoo queen she then helped those with an inclination to magick to help free her brothers and sisters trapped on plantations and then giving them refugee in her home. Soon though, news of her operation spread. Using her divination skills she found of the plot to kill her and the escaped slaves, though she could only save herself and not the newly freed men and women, or save them and not herself. She made the quick choice to save them over herself, and stood her ground where she fought tooth and nail with her magick to ensure the survival of her brothers and sisters. She however lost the fight when a white man pulled a gun and ultimate shot her in the eye by sheer dumb luck. She is both a gentle, and helpful ghost who also ensures that students are well aware of the dishonor and torture she went through in the Americas. When asked for help she always seems to know that you were going to ask for help and appears to you before you have to go and find her.


Crest Animal- Grizzly Bear

Colors- Green and Tan

Element- Earth

Season- Summer

Qualities- Bravery, Curiosity, Leadership

Last but certainly not least the home of the bears. Bears are not the naturally aggressive creature but however are curious and have a hierarchy amongst their species. Just like the bear members of this house are known for their fighting skills and bravery, but are also extremely curious. Members of this house exhibit leadership characterstics and always fight for the top of the chain in any event or subject they’re in. Their competitve drive can sometimes lead to hotheadedness and aggressive outbursts with the other students giving them their bear qualities. Loud, boisterous, and certainly commanding students of Bearglove do not have a hard time making a name for themselves in someway shape or form.

House Ghost- ‘Doc’ Thomas Benton

Among the house ghosts he is the most resented, due to his megalomaniac attitude and his past as a serial killer. While in medschool in the 1920’s he sought any and all information to eternal youth as the drive to be the best in his field and to never die to pass on his superior knowledge. No one knows the true nature of his evil some say it was trauma others say it lied in wait. If you ask the other house ghost they will tell you that he was evil from the start and to his very core. While he was alive he under strange circumstances became a hermit, and soon dead animals were found on his land with strange markings carved into them. And then the farmer’s daughter went missing in his town. When townspeople found him he had carved strange markings on her and was mumbling in an incorherent language before tossing her off a cliff. Everytime he’s asked about his death he gives a new story each time, about the scars on his face. The other ghosts say it was one of his evil experiments done onto himself after the town found him killing the farmer’s daughter, in an attempt to save his own life.

Location of  Lavaeudeen ,the Waverly Hills Sanitarium. 

Built in 1910 and expanded to the enormous abandoned hulk it is today in 1924, Waverly Hills Sanitarium was opened to house tuberculosis patients as an isolation hospital. Doctors at the hospital carried out painful experimental surgeries to treat the disease, often with bloody results. One surgery of last resort involved opening the chest cavity to insert balloons into the lungs and another involved removing ribs to allow the lungs to expand. As many as 64,000 people who were admitted to the hospital died there over the years, and at least one employee is reputed to have hung herself in the laundry room on the fourth floor in the 1930s. Those who passed away at Waverly Hills were moved through the morgue and out of the hospital through the body chute that led cadavers out the back out of sight of the patients. Most of the hospital, including the morgue and body chute, remain intact today.

Or so the muggles think, with this story and the appearance by use of charms to give this school an abandoned look it becomes the hot topic of muggle ghost hunters. Allowing students to use the charms they learned in school and a bit of leg room for the ghosts. Strange occurances that are reported by ghost hunters are just your magical children having a bit of fun. When the hospital was abandoned, magical folk sought out a place to teach and form the magical youth of America. Under the guise of ‘helping mental patients’ they sent letters to families with ‘peculiar’ children to save them from the horrors of the muggle insane aslyums. As these asylums phased out the school kept up with appearances and altered the charms to make the muggles see a more and more decrepit abandoned building.

Behind the Name of the School- As a tribute to America’s very own famous voodoo queen and a desire to pass on magick the school was named for Marie Lavaeu

 #watch me actually buy this fucking deodorant cause of this      (ohhhvienna)

Fuck yes I’ve needed this.


Here’s some advice to fat guys: Never ever, E V E R think highly of yourself. People* appreciate it more when you already know that you’re inferior to them because you’re the living representation of gluttony and garbage and you’re probably a pervert because you’re fat. This way they don’t have to…

Bullshit motherfucker. (I say that in the friendliest, most caring way, of course.)

Fat does not equate to unhealthy, ugly, stupid, or worthless.

Nearly every single man I’ve ever been attracted to has been on the heavier side. (Fair percentage of the women, too.) Most of my best friends/borderline-love-interests are fat guys (250-400 pounds). It’s got nothing to do with weight, it’s seriously all about personality, and confidence. Self confidence is the single sexiest thing any person can have as far as I’m concerned, and if you pair that with a wicked sense of humor, I’m helpless to resist.

Did some cockface at school give you shit again? I swear to Dog, make me a list of names..

Wow, I’ve never caused the Tidal Wave before. It’s always been my greatest Dreamlife foe. I wound up in a situation of being hurled out far and high over the waters (Deemin battle stuff.. nothing too unusual about this kind of thing) and had lost my own ability to fly/levitate, but I was able to catch a breeze like a bird and redirect myself back towards land. Since, y’know, I can’t swim. Drowning dreams are among the worst I’ve ever been through (I die all the way without waking up to stop it, and I genuinely feel dream sensations), so I really didn’t want to fall. The force of will I used to bullshit my way through fake flying was enough to draw the ocean up behind me and follow me back towards the land. In the last moments it had climbed high over me and I lost my momentum.. I was just waiting to crashland and break every bone in my body, and/or be engulfed by the Tides and then dragged back out by the vacuous undertow. I just kept calm and focused, waiting for the best moment to begin holding my breath and clawing weakly at the sand and rocks. I saw the monster that had thrown me, looking surprised that I was about to dart over his head on my return, and he was completely caught off-guard by the sentient Wave. We intersected; the Wave crashed down on him and took him, and I had enough velocity to break through and roll out onto the higher dunes, out of reach of my oldest enemy’s grabby pull. I looked across the beach, to see what else had happened after the Wave claimed my opponent and brought him out to his death. Strangely, there were no beached animals or destroyed homes this time. No innocent bystanders died. The water wasn’t coming back for me. Apparently, we reached a compromise of sorts and it was complacent with taking the other monster’s life (probably sick of how I alway resurrect myself and eventually get away anyway). A young girl, perhaps ten years old, who didn’t realize I was a demon, but who had witnessed the whole event, said that was the coolest thing that she’d ever seen. She had something embedded in her right ankle, seemed like a piece of metal, and I was just about to check it out when I woke up.

Additional bits..
Earlier in the Dream, I had been in a pretty intense fight with that monstah. He was pretty big and really hard to hit, while also being really good at hitting me. I was trying to break out of some kind of demon prison or some such silliness and his job was to prevent that from happening. There came a point when I just had to stop fighting and look for a place to hide out. There was what seemed to be the wreckage of a steel freight car from a train, just a small section of it, and I got inside. I was just sitting on the floor, trying to figure out if I was okay, and a man ran in, as well. He seemed to be an older Marine sort, wearing black like I was, and he reached down to help me to my feet. He started telling me what to expect because in the next few moments we would be going on a trip together. I had no idea who he was but he didn’t seem to be a threat. Where I had been sitting was suddenly crunched, as was the other end of our broken tube, as our mutual enemy picked up our shelter and squeezed it into a ball of steel. Only the center, where my companion had placed me, was undamaged. He asked if I could Phase (teleport through solid surfaces), and I said “yes, usually”, and then he just told me to do what he does and I’d be okay. I realized then that he didn’t know exactly what I was. Despite his abilities, he was not a demon, and he didn’t know I just got my ass kicked and I was running on fumes. Our little metal ball was thrown around and shaken up a few times, and then we both fell back as the big antagonist pitched it miles out over the ocean. I had enough energy to Phase out at the same time my travel companion did, and I watched him fly off ahead. I was looking down at the water, which was oddly clear (it’s usually brown or black), and made me realize exactly how deep it was. I saw nasty bitey things beneath the rolling waves and I knew I wasn’t able to fly. I could hear the metal ball crash into the water far behind me and I wondered how much time I had before gravity overtook me.


..and as I was sitting on the sand, looking out over the beach and water, I could still see that guy’s silhouette against the orangey Sunset. He was going places.


If I was good at realistic drawings I would make cartoons about have iritable bowel syndrome. Because no one has made a comic about what it’s like to have to literally run to the bathroom, while about to shit yourself. Or while shitting yourself.

[..pssst! Here, friend..]


So I’m Loving ‘NARUTO SHIPPUDEN: Ultimate Ninja Storm Revolution’… But not as much as SHE is

..are any of my friends not fifteen year-olds?

One o’ my teengs finally came in the mail today, two days too late, naturally. Simple black satin underbust corset. It fits fine and looks good, but I have one complaint: instead of using a single, heavy duty cord, it was laced with two flat satin ribbons, which make it rather overcomplicated to tie up (even without my long nails, I would need assistance to keep everything even). Nevermind how ugly twisted, pinched ribbons look. Other than that, yeah, it’s pretty cozy.

I also got my alternate outfit back from Crabcakes, and those items are hanging up in front of my fan to air the toxic perfume out of them.

Guess I don’t have much else to say. I’ll probably just go back to bed and stay there all week.

I pulled out the lower ribbon and wove the main ribbon through the lower eyelets, creating proper drawing loops. It was just barely long enough work, but at least it leaves me with something to measure by. Judging without a “first draft” lace can actually be kind of tricky. Methinks I’ll look for a dark, vivid green cord to substitute. All-black is neat, sure, but eeeeeverybody does that, and neat can be very boring.

I have two more en route (one silver, one green) from different companies. I will wait until they arrive so I can test them, and hopefully, they won’t need anything replaced. If I am going to have to be cord hunting, I want to make sure that I’m getting all of the necessary supplies in one trip.


Pencils for a splash page of Splash Woman!

For yet another wonderful sexy woman assignment. (Fun fact: i hate the sexy woman assignment and everything it represents! Go ahead and yell at me!)

So here’s a pretty Splash Woman that i feel okay with showing my mother.

Groovy, looking good. You get a big bag of sassy rebel points, too.

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